Hallucinations
by FictionLover55
Summary: When Ste gets high on cocaine, he begins to see people that aren't really there. An old flame perhaps...McHay/Stug. One Shot.


**So I was bored and I miss this couple. And there isn't nearly enough Stug fic out there so I thought I would try my hand at it. This is probably going to be a one shot based on Ste's cocaine addiction and after the death of Doug. I know it sounds confusing but read it and you'll understand, it's kinda Cindy/Rhys inspired. It's half Stug and half McHay so...This is my first fic so please go easy on me and reviews would be much appreciated :D**

Ste laid in bed, just staring at the ceiling above him. His body felt weak and his insides felt like they were going to spill out. What was he doing? He stood on his feet, and felt pain rise up across his body as he willed himself to the bathroom. He collected water in his hands and splashed it in his face, staring at himself in the mirror.

There were huge bags underneath his eyes and the colour had been drained from his face. He looked into his own eyes, the blue darkened like the tone of his face and the whites of his eyes were no longer white, but scarlet. His hair was lopsided and he felt cold, inside and out and took a sharp breath through his nose. How had he got here? How had his life taken this bad a turn? He used to be a Deli owner, then a restaurant owner. And now he was neither, a cocaine addict and believes he killed a man but was too high to remember anything. He just stared back at his reflection, no longer remembering a time where his life didn't look bleak at best because he always somehow found himself being kicked down by others. Ste dragged his body out of the bathroom and turned on the TV, laying himself across the sofa and slowly letting his mind turn off. On the table in front of him was a small pouch, that contained a white powder. Cocaine. He knew he shouldn't be putting this in his system. He knew that he didn't need it. But that didn't stop him. For a few hours, all the pain, all the misery in his life would just fade away and he could forget what a mess his life was. He reached out and grabbed the pouch, lazily playing with it through his fingers. He was about to open the pouch when he heard a knock the door. He put the pouch on the table and swayed towards the door, feeling the energy leave him as he took each step.

He opened the door to John Paul, who immediately walked in. Ste rolled his eyes and turned to face John Paul, shrugging his shoulders. "What's up?"

"I came to check up on you. To see if your still doing...you know," John Paul replied, looking Ste up and down. John Paul noticed he looked more tired than usual, his eyelids drooping and his entire posture looked heavy.

"You don't need to do that. I can look after meself. And so what if I'm still doing it? Thought you don't care no more," Ste sarcastically said, walking past John Paul to resume lying on the couch lazily. John Paul grabbed his arm and stared intently into his eyes.

"Course I care about you Ste. Why are you doing this to yourself?"

Ste jerked his arm away from John Paul's grip and sat on the couch. John Paul followed him, until his eyes met the pouch of cocaine Ste had lying on the table. "Seriously why are you putting this...this disgusting thing in your system?" Angry, John Paul swiped the pouch from the table and began marching towards the kitchen sink.

"Oi, give that back!" Ste darted up and grabbed John Paul's arm, pulling the man towards him and using his other arm, spun him around and pinned John Paul's hand above his head. "I don't need you to care about me, you obviously didn't before. And it wasn't too long ago that you were doing this too so don't stand there being all high and mighty and telling me what I can and cannot do. It's my life and last I checked I didn't ask for your opinion." Ste screamed, forcefully taking the pouch out of John Paul's hand.

"Look what it's doing to you, Ste. Don't you see you're addicted and you need help. You can survive without it so pass it here," John Paul calmly replied, holding out his hand to allow Ste to place it in his hand. "You're better than this Ste. I know you are."

"What do you know about me, eh? Better? I'm not better than anything and I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave John Paul." Ste clenched the pouch in the palm of his fist, so if he was confronted, he could be able to hold on.

"Ste, I know you. Come on, I know it's hard, with you thinking you killed Fraser and all that but you can't let this defeat you. I mean it got you into that mess in the first place."

Ste turned his back towards John Paul and just quietly replied, "Just leave. I wanna be by meself."

"But-"

"Just go!" Ste had slammed his fist into a wall which resulted into John Paul taking a step back. He shook his head, defeated and angry.

"Fine, if you want to self destruct, go ahead. But don't expect me to save you this time. Or even care for that matter." John Paul stormed out of the house, slamming the door on his way out. The sound echoed across the walls, ringing in Ste's ears. The last few words that John Paul spoke swam in spite and had angered Ste. Self destruct. Is that what he was doing? Ste angrily marched to the table and laid the pouch on the table. He undid the string, opening it and stared at the white powder that lay inside it. He reached out his hand before hesitating for a bit. He wanted to forget his and John Paul's argument. He wanted to forget that he was a failure and he wanted to forget that he most likely murdered someone. He collected the white powder in the palm of his hand and slowly brought it up to his nose. "Bottoms up I guess," he said, snorting the cocaine up his nose. He felt it go into his system, feeling his body feel

lighter and his head rush. His vision blurred and the entire room was spinning, as he stood his legs felt wobbly. This isn't how he normally felt. Suddenly he felt his insides lurch and his knees gave out as he collapsed onto the floor.

Ste opened his eyes, allowing them to readjust to the bleak lighting in the room before picking himself up. His head still dizzy and he took a couple steps towards his bedroom.

"It's cute how much he cares about you, you know. I guess you can see why I fell for him."

Every muscle in Ste's system jolted and his eyes widened. That voice had sent chills down Ste's spine and he curled his hands into fists. But even so, his fists violently shook and he felt weak in the knees. Just the sound of his voice rang loudly in his ears, turning into a deafening buzz. A stray tear fell down Ste's cheek, rounding off to his chin and falling.

"Least you could do is face me and say hi."

The man's voice was calm, joking even. Ste slowly turned to face the owner of the voice, the voice that stopped his entire world. Ste stared straight towards him. Stared straight at his face and deep into his eyes. He was wearing a grey vest with a turquoise top and red chinos. He was leaning against the counter, a smile gracing his features. He looked young, healthy and his hair seemed a bit longer. Ste looked him up and down, rubbed his eyes and looked again. He didn't disappear or move. He didn't faze. He just stared intently into Ste's eyes and Ste into his. Ste could never get over what a striking blue they were. Time stood still and Ste felt numb all over. The man took a step forward towards Ste, and then another, and then they were an arms length apart. "Hello Ste."

"...Doug." It was the only word that he could get out. The only word that could make Ste feel this way. Doug just stood there smiling. That smile that melted Ste's heart. How was his husband here? Ste had held him as he died and yet here Doug was, standing before him like nothing happened. Standing there smiling like he hadn't left a gaping hole in Ste's heart when he died. His eyes twinkled as if he didn't leave Ste all alone. "Doug...you..."

"Yeah I know it's been a while but that-"

Ste lunged his arm forward and grabbed Doug's shirt. Scrunching it in a fist, he pulled Doug forward and crashed their lips together, tears rolling down Ste's face as he closed his eyes. His head spun. He kept one hand on Doug's chest and curled his other arm around Doug's back, pushing Doug more into him. Ste felt Doug's hand rest on his chest as they kissed, like they always did. Ste thought that Doug's lips tasted weird, they were still as soft as ever, still as supple and heartwarming. He couldn't place his finger on it but they were just...off. He could feel Doug kissing back and pushed his head in in passion. He didn't understand, he didn't want to understand but he thought he was never going to be able to have this sensation ever again and wanted to take advantage of it as much as he possibly could. He continued to attack Doug's lips until he felt Doug pull away, seeing Doug's face wet with his tears but he didn't let go of him.

"Whoa, easy there tiger. Couldn't have missed me that much." Doug taunted, putting his tongue between his teeth. Ste smirked, tears continuing to roll down his face. Ste's eyes wandered Doug up and down, taking it all in. How on earth he was standing before him, he never wanted to find out.

"You idiot," Ste said, rubbing their noses together, "of course I did."

Doug smile lit up, and so did his eyes. Ste wanted nothing more than to kiss him again, so he leaned in, re-closing his eyes. His lips, however, met the side of a finger and when Ste opened his eyes, Doug pushed away from Ste's grasp, finger still on his lips. "Calm down Ste," he said, winking. Ste's heart fluttered and Doug took another step back. "You're with John Paul now, remember?"

"No! Why would you bring him up?" Ste said, blushing deeply. He felt really weird that his husband was talking about his new crush.

"Because he's right Ste. You're better than this. You don't need cocaine to make you feel better."

Ste's eyes suddenly shot down. He felt ashamed with himself, Doug had been the one who saved him and this is what he was doing with his life. Making a failure of himself. Taking cocaine to make the pain go away. Does that mean Doug died for nothing then? He had to become someone worth saving and look what he'd done. Ste took a step towards Doug, feeling his presence close to his again. Doug walked forward and grabbed his arms and Ste looked up, looked at the man in front of him. "You are worth it Steven Hay. You're better than this and you know it."

"Not without you I'm not. You made me a better person. You are...were what's best for me and I kept letting you down. Look even now, I'm still letting you down."

Doug shook his head. Ste brought his finger and curled it round Doug's collar, while swinging his arm around his shoulder. "I miss you so much. I tried Doug, I really tried to go on without you but...Look where it's gotten me. I can't do this without you Doug."

Doug shook his head again. "Ste, if only you could see how much you're worth. John Paul cares about you and I know you like him back. You can fight this addiction. You can still do the right thing. And I'm always going to be with you, no matter what."

Ste stayed silent. He didn't even move. He just stared into Doug's shining eyes. His grip on Doug's collar became tighter as he pulled Doug back in for a kiss. It was a slow and sensual one, which Ste quickly made faster and more passionate. "I'll always love you Doug," he whispered between kisses. "I'll always be yours." He pulled Doug backwards, until his back collided with the wall and reached for the door handle, fumbling a bit before opening it. He then pulled Doug into his bedroom, running his free hand all over his arm while the other gripped his shirt for dear life. When the back of Ste's legs connected to the bed, they fell onto it and Ste entered a state of total bliss.

xXx

Ste's head was pounding when he woke up in his bed. He looked next to him to see emptiness. Not that he'd expected to see anyone there. He had been high on cocaine before but that was the first time he had ever hallucinated before. Maybe it was a sign that he really shouldn't be taking these drugs. But in hallucination or in dream form, he loved seeing Doug. He flopped back into bed and picked up his phone. He scrolled through his contacts before he got to John Paul's name.

"Hey, sorry about yesterday. It took me a while but I finally came to my senses and realised I need to come off this habit. Come round? I would like to thank you and a chance to apologise x"

He reread the text a couple times before hitting the send button and flopped back into bed, awaiting a reply. He didn't have long to wait before his phone vibrated and John Paul has messaged him back.

"Yeah okay. On my way x"

Ste smiled and went to the bathroom to freshen up. When John Paul arrived, Ste had changed his demeanour as well as his clothing. He opened the door with a healthy looking smile, which John Paul admitted was quite weird. "Come in. Please."

John Paul slowly walked in, his eyes looking up and down Ste. "You wanted to say something?"

"Yeah. Like I said, I'm sorry about kicking off on you yesterday. I realised that I do have a problem and I need your help to come off it...If you still think I'm worth it that is." Ste logged sheepishly downwards, avoiding eye contact with John Paul and blushing a tiny bit. John Paul just took a step forward and took Ste's hands with his own.

"I'm glad you see things my way now at least."

Ste closed the distance between them and lightly kissed John Paul on the lips.

"I really can see why he fell for you."

"Why who fell for me?" John Paul looked puzzled.

Ste smiled. "Never mind."

**Didn't really like the ending as much but I tried my best. All in a nights work and let me know what you guys think. Reviews are more than welcome and hopefully look out for my next fic. Thanks for reading xxxx**


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